Several fellow birthworkers have suggested this analogy to Gabriel García Márquez’s Love in the Time of Cholera. As pregnant people, families, doulas, midwives, and other healthcare workers, we are certainly learning new ways of approaching birth in a moment that is, to us, unique.
Our experience with clients as we navigate limited visitation rules varies by when they are expecting to give birth - my partner and I had two clients due within a week, both birthing at St. Peter's - the response for those families needed to happen very quickly, whereas we have more time to work with families birthing in April and May. For the March families, the plan has included sharing additional resources, more (virtual) prenatal meetings with partners to transfer practical knowledge and reminders of how their role will be different to assume some of our responsibilities, and a lot of discussion about the emotional impact of the shift in support team. Generally, we join birthing people during their labor whenever they feel ready for us to offer additional support- most often, this means meeting them at the hospital. Our plans with these families included laboring for longer at home, with our in-person support given everyone's comfort with that - both theirs with having us in their home, and ours for contact with others. We are taking the decision to go into someone's home very seriously, and the decision included discussion by all beforehand - hand-washing, sanitizing surfaces, and extra care to follow CDC guidelines were all taken.
Once in labor, we were in near-constant text conversations (first with the birthing person, and over time, with partner instead) to offer suggestions based on what was going on. We offered frequent phone calls, shared numerous links, photos, etc., and offered video chatting whenever needed - though we didn't plan to use that as a primary means during labor due to the invasive, unnatural feel of video calls and our attempt to preserve a calm, safe, relaxed birthing atmosphere.
While we were able to provide resources, guidance for hands-on comfort measures to be practiced by the partner, and verbal support, we were not able to do the delicate work of balancing energy in the room, reading and anticipating needs, and supporting in the most subtle ways - as is the nature of most of labor support. Both mothers we have been supporting have incredible partners, and they were able to give all their support and love - but our work usually complements that contribution and we were not able to replace it virtually.
All of this was heartbreaking - we've all been working so hard to prepare clients that I don't think I'd left room for the emotional weight of not being able to see the process through and provide hands-on support. We've been meeting with our clients for months, engaging in hours of intimate conversations during this very vulnerable time for new families - and to be cut off from that was indescribably challenging for both parties.
As doulas, we understand the reason for limitations on visitors, and so appreciate what healthcare workers are doing right now - we are not seeking to increase their burden by any means. This has shed light on some interesting questions - namely, how we might transition doulas out of classification as non-essential, and looking at how we might be able to formalize our role so that we are considered as more than "visitors" - but we recognize that now is not the time to try to solve these problems. Instead, our focus is on empowering expectant families to ask providers for supplemental support they were expecting from us, and to be fully available to them.